Mothers’ Day. Bah humbug.

From this side of the International Dateline we’re only two sleeps away from celebrating Mothers’ Day.  And it has just dawned on me that I feel a tad ‘bah humbug’ about that.

It isn’t that I won’t be celebrated and made special on this day.  It isn’t that my family won’t bestow many kisses on me.

I know they will.

It’s just……

Maybe part of me will never forget the deep feelings that come with riding the roller coaster ride of trying to conceive, and to have the words miscarriage and infertile written on my medical notes.  Scars can heal over time, but they still remind you of past pain. I will always feel for friends who long to have their own children.  Maybe part of me mourns with friends who no longer have their own Mothers here on earth, to honour and celebrate on this holiday.  They don’t have the opportunity to spoil and bless them. All they have are precious memories.

So in two sleeps time, I know the day we call Mothers’ Day will bring with it many emotions and feelings for us all.

I guess another factor, at the root of my hesitation over the froth and bubble that comes with this holiday, is that I’d really love to take all of you women, and look you in the eyes and remind you all, that your worth does not come from what you do, but from who you are.

Let me say that again, and men, feel free to pass this memo on to the important women in your lives….Your worth does not come from what you do, but from who you are.

I feel extremely blessed, that even when things were medically unlikely for me to conceive, in time and over a wee stretch of time, our three boys came to be…..but I also believe that I was a ‘whole’ person before I had children.  Let me say that another way – I firmly believe that Motherhood doesn’t define me.  Yes, it adds to me and it moulds me and it changes me, every stinkin’  day, and it is a beautiful privilege and honour to grow the children that I am growing.

But ‘Mother’ is just one of the many hats I get to wear.  Along with that I am also Daughter.  Sister.  Wife.  Friend.  Random customer who looks the waitress in the eye and asks how her day is going.  Yes, out of all of those Mother is probably one of the most important ones, but it is not the only one….and that’s the thing that kinda sets the tone for me for Mothers’ Day.

If you’re heading into Mothers’ Day and you’re fighting to stay out of that pit of self-pity, because you aren’t a Mother and you long to be, or you miss your own Mother, maybe it would help to remember who you are already.  Because who you are already, is so important and it defines how you see your world.  I get my knowledge of who I am from the relationship I have in knowing Christ.

And I believe the same for you….

You are called of God by your name. (Isaiah 43:1)

You are engraved on the palm of God’s hands. (Isaiah 49:16)

You have a purpose for living.  (Jeremiah 29:11) (Ephesians 1: 11 – 12)

You are never forsaken. (Psalm 27: 10)

You are loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31: 3)

You are complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:10)

The next time you start doubting your worth, or longing for a season that is not yet to be in your life, or that season is already over for you, maybe it’s time to look up those words and to breathe in these truths….whatever joys or pain that Mothers’ Day holds for you, remember that who you are is what really matters.  Not what you do.

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2 thoughts on “Mothers’ Day. Bah humbug.

  1. Thank you Fiona.. I totally agree with all you’ve said – from what I could read through the tears! I also had to learn what you’re describing.
    Growing up, my goal in life was to be a Mum and when that wasn’t happening as hoped, I had to really lean into God and know more of who He had called me to be. It’s really hard when you’re in that in between time.. I never hated Mother’s Day, probably because I thankfully still had my Mum to focus on, but my heart, my soul, yearned for that day to be ‘mine’ one day too. It hurt. I still remember the pain but it was inner pain. No one knew how I felt, except maybe my husband. I probably told him how I felt. I really wanted to give my Granny a great-grandchild and that was actually part of my grieving when she died in April 2008, a year before God healed me and we found out the first of my two miracle babies was on the way.

    • Its amazing how we learn to live with such pain, and then God…..steps in……and that pain becomes useful somehow….

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