Mothers’ Day. Bah humbug.

From this side of the International Dateline we’re only two sleeps away from celebrating Mothers’ Day.  And it has just dawned on me that I feel a tad ‘bah humbug’ about that.

It isn’t that I won’t be celebrated and made special on this day.  It isn’t that my family won’t bestow many kisses on me.

I know they will.

It’s just……

Maybe part of me will never forget the deep feelings that come with riding the roller coaster ride of trying to conceive, and to have the words miscarriage and infertile written on my medical notes.  Scars can heal over time, but they still remind you of past pain. I will always feel for friends who long to have their own children.  Maybe part of me mourns with friends who no longer have their own Mothers here on earth, to honour and celebrate on this holiday.  They don’t have the opportunity to spoil and bless them. All they have are precious memories.

So in two sleeps time, I know the day we call Mothers’ Day will bring with it many emotions and feelings for us all.

I guess another factor, at the root of my hesitation over the froth and bubble that comes with this holiday, is that I’d really love to take all of you women, and look you in the eyes and remind you all, that your worth does not come from what you do, but from who you are.

Let me say that again, and men, feel free to pass this memo on to the important women in your lives….Your worth does not come from what you do, but from who you are.

I feel extremely blessed, that even when things were medically unlikely for me to conceive, in time and over a wee stretch of time, our three boys came to be…..but I also believe that I was a ‘whole’ person before I had children.  Let me say that another way – I firmly believe that Motherhood doesn’t define me.  Yes, it adds to me and it moulds me and it changes me, every stinkin’  day, and it is a beautiful privilege and honour to grow the children that I am growing.

But ‘Mother’ is just one of the many hats I get to wear.  Along with that I am also Daughter.  Sister.  Wife.  Friend.  Random customer who looks the waitress in the eye and asks how her day is going.  Yes, out of all of those Mother is probably one of the most important ones, but it is not the only one….and that’s the thing that kinda sets the tone for me for Mothers’ Day.

If you’re heading into Mothers’ Day and you’re fighting to stay out of that pit of self-pity, because you aren’t a Mother and you long to be, or you miss your own Mother, maybe it would help to remember who you are already.  Because who you are already, is so important and it defines how you see your world.  I get my knowledge of who I am from the relationship I have in knowing Christ.

And I believe the same for you….

You are called of God by your name. (Isaiah 43:1)

You are engraved on the palm of God’s hands. (Isaiah 49:16)

You have a purpose for living.  (Jeremiah 29:11) (Ephesians 1: 11 – 12)

You are never forsaken. (Psalm 27: 10)

You are loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31: 3)

You are complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:10)

The next time you start doubting your worth, or longing for a season that is not yet to be in your life, or that season is already over for you, maybe it’s time to look up those words and to breathe in these truths….whatever joys or pain that Mothers’ Day holds for you, remember that who you are is what really matters.  Not what you do.

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The silent bedroom trials.

From time to time people react in a surprised way when I rattle off the ages of our boys.  At the moment they are 11, 8 and 3.  Yes all three were very much wanted and very much planned.  And yes those are big age gaps.

Sometimes things don’t happen according our carefully planned timetables – and sometimes things don’t happen at all.

Along with my three boys here on earth, we have another two kids that I firmly believe we’ll see again in heaven. But that’s for another blog post.

The whole getting pregnant and staying pregnant was a very hard journey.  No-one likes having the word ‘infertile’ on their medical records. You’re dealing with the loss of dreams, and hope is lost. And when it is ‘unexplained infertility’, well that makes things worse.  We like answers and solutions in our lives.

If you’re walking down this journey too – my heart goes out to you.  There is a lot in the blogosphere for women – stories told, encouragement given, kindred spirits reaching out to help you.  But often it is the menfolk who are left to suck it up, and be a rock for their woman.  Well if you’re a man experiencing this very situation, the silent bedroom trials, please head over to this blog and read this here post.  It is written by a bloke for blokes.

Women – if you have a brother-in-law/ friend/co-worker/brother/ cousin who needs to read these good words – send them that link.  Shared human experience is priceless – especially for menfolk who don’t talk about these issues.

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